The comedy stylings of the Republican Party

Am I the only one who thinks it’s funny that the Republican Party continually sets themselves up as the party of family values and no gay marriage only to have it blow up in their faces over and over again? I don’t mean “laugh and slap your knee” funny, I mean “can’t catch your breath, wet your pants because you can’t stop cackling” hysterical!

The latest incarnation of this comedy cavalcade is the Republican Sen. from Idaho Larry Craig. Craig, who continually pays lip service to family values, pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct on Aug. 1 after he was arrested on June 11 by an undercover police officer in a Minneapolis airport men’s room who said the senator had engaged in conduct “often used by persons communicating a desire to engage in sexual conduct.”

Immediately after his plea this fountain of family values released a statement saying he was innocent of the charges… Charges that he JUST PLED GUILTY TO! Isn’t that classic? He solicited sex from a cop, got arrested, had a month to plan a defense, plead guilty, and THEN proclaims his innocence. Are we expected to believe that this man, an American Senator, is so ignorant to our 200 year old legal system that he didn’t know how to defend himself? If I wasn’t so busy laughing my guts out I’d be insulted.

Also during this Washington wizard’s press conference he continually, emphatically, desperately repeated the cry of “I’m not gay” to the crowds of reporters who could barely contain their glee.

Hey Larry, let’s face reality here; you tried to get a cop to blow you, you’re gay. In fact Larry, you tried to get a cop to blow you in a toilet stall, so you’re not just gay, you’re a hardcore gay fetishist in deep, deep denial. Get over yourself, put on a Judy Garland record, and scream faaaaAAAAAAaaaabulous to the world. The only one who really cares how you get your rocks off is you. The rest of the world couldn’t care less, you self-important idiot.

Now, because of your own stupidity, your career is over, your credibility is gone, your marriage is probably kaput, you’re a confessed criminal, and your the laughing stock of the entire globe. Playing boinkie boink in the boys room still sound like a good plan, Larry?

But thanks for all the guffaws you’ve given me, I haven’t laughed this hard in… Well, since the last time a politician torpedoed his own life. 🙂

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Published in: on August 31, 2007 at 5:36 pm  Leave a Comment  

Psychedelic snickers soup…

I awoke from my sleepy revelry to find the floor had become like waves in the ocean with brown dolphins leaping from carpet to carpet.

As the purple sun burned my eyes my cheese walls began to melt in the noonday chill and, as I ran outside to escape certain doom, I was attacked by packs of vicious lobsters whose shrill screams made my tongue swell with delightful agony.

I leapt into my canoe and flew into the sky; the clouds threw rocks on my head and laughed at my tears, birds waved their fists and cursed my jaunty speed.

Fountains of hair sprayed from broken hydrants as balding dogs peed rainbow streams on the tiny soldiers hiding in the grass waiting for their pungent signal to attack.

I fought my way through them to the giant ear of the world and forced it at the point of a q-tip to sneeze normalcy back into our time.

Then while I staggered my way back to my bed the strangeness of the endless puffy day began to dissolve into the wind which was no longer solid.

If I am living, is life but a dream or a dream but a life?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or did I eat a bad piece of sushi?

 

🙂

Published in: on August 23, 2007 at 11:43 am  Leave a Comment  

The Duke is A-number one…

As I sit here and contemplate what to fill this space with I find that I can’t narrow anything down. My mind is awash with topics that I’d like to blather on about; Michael Vick’s continued decent toward prison, the continued attempt to sexualize children by the Disney Corporation, the breaking of the speed of light in Germany, my continued disgust with all politicians and their respective parties…

But instead of all that I think I’ll dedicate this entry to:

John Wayne!

As I sit here watching Rio Bravo (with Big Jake, and Hondo up next on my queue) I can’t help but feel that America just wouldn’t be the same without The Duke. John Wayne’s on screen personas, for the most part, embodied the ideal of the rugged, individualistic American (much as Wayne himself evidently did) and gave those American ideals a public face that the leaders of the world could identify with regardless their disagreements with America itself.

I won’t belabor this argument here since I’ve been doing that on SpecialX.net.

Instead of that I’ll just say, for the record, that Big Jake is the best damn western ever. 🙂

Published in: on August 18, 2007 at 6:06 pm  Leave a Comment  

Addicted to Civ…

In the past my free time activities included a lot of reading, movies, blogging, and a bit of TV.

Now my free time activity seems to consist of one thing; Civilization IV.

I have become totally addicted to this amazing game. For those of you who don’t know Civilization is a game series, created by Sid Meier, where you start a civilization at the beginning of history and guide it all the way through the space age. The volume of variables that affect your civilizations path through history is staggering and makes for great replay value.

About a month ago I was beating my Civilization addiction. I was down to one or two sessions a week. And then comes the release of Civilization IV: Beyond the Sword (an expansion pack for the game) and all my free time was sucked up again. BTS fundamentally alters the game and the strategies it takes to successfully navigate history and it introduces some amazing mods and scenarios that make it almost a different game entirely… I am currently in a WWII scenario, called Road to War, which begins in 1936 and allows you to play out almost any ‘what-if’ question you can imagine.

So now, with a whole new realm of possibilities to explore, I find that my Civilization addiction is back in full swing and I suddenly have almost no free time.

Published in: on August 13, 2007 at 4:04 pm  Comments (1)  

Death by a thousand cuts…

You may have noticed that when I posted more frequently I didn’t like to stay on the same subject for more than two posts or so (my rage against Al Gore and his lies not withstanding), so I hesitate to do this but I must continue my ghoulish enjoyment of watching Michael Vick’s slow and painful demise. If for no other reason then it makes me bubble with laughter to see his lies slowly tighten around him.

In the past few days we have seen even more sponsors abandon Vick and the NFL distance itself even further from the falling star. It looks as if Roger Goodell is getting all his ducks in a row so he can suspend Vick from playing. The rumor mill says Arthur Blank, owner of the Falcons, doesn’t want Vick back regardless of his guilt. And that was before the latest development made prison time look more and more likely for Vick.

One of Vick’s co-defendants recently decided to plea to a lesser charge and turn states evidence on Vick. This development by itself is a huge blow to anyone who is rooting for Vick; once one of the little guys cops a plea the other little guys are going to run to try and get the best deal possible if they burn Vick, too. And it makes perfect sense if you think about what the prosecutors want to do here; if they can get the nobodies to burn Vick then they get to put a public (not to mention famous) face on dog fighting and all blood sports in general, which will aide them in breaking up gang related activity which is intrinsically linked with dog fighting/blood sports.

As I wait for more charges to pile up and for more of his fair weather friends to rat him out I find that all the anti-Vick websites popping up all over the place to be a great source of merriment, too. The “convict Vick” shirts on vickletthedogsout.com or the petition to suspend him on the humane society site are just two examples of the public backlash against Vick.

I, for one, am waiting with baited breath for the next act in this three ring circus that has become the destruction of Michael Vick.

Published in: on August 2, 2007 at 9:24 am  Leave a Comment