Star Drek….

I am a Star Trek fan.

There, I admit it.
I remember racing home from school in the seventies so I could catch re-runs of the original series. Memorizing all the details since you were never sure when or if you’d see it again.

I remember buying books, role playing games, and what have you so I could get more back story.

I remember waiting in line for Star Trek: The Motion Picture, and then making rationalizations about all the things wrong with it.

I remember crying at the end of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan when Spock died, and then again at the end of Star Trek III: The Search for Spock when the Enterprise blew up.

I remember cheering at number IV and nitpicking the first few seasons of The Next Generation to death.

I remember my instant dislike for Deep Space Nine (I later got over it) and when Shatner took the director’s chair for movie number V.

I remember being sad at the end of Star Trek VI when it was obviously the last time we’d see the original cast together.

I remember being so furious at the Generations movie because they killed Kirk that I swore I would never watch anything else about Star Trek (that lasted all of a month or two).

I remember Voyager and Enterprise (fondly, BTW).

I remember all the movies since, good and bad (and there have been plenty of each).

And, unfortunately, I will have to remember the new Star Trek movie as well.

This movie is the lowest point of the entire franchise, and I am sorry I wasted my hard earned money on it.

All your memories of Star Trek? Gone. All the rich history that has been established? Gone. All the things that made the Star Trek universe so attractive and hopeful? Gone, gone, and gone…

The idea that it’s okay the throw 50 years of history and back story on the fire under the auspices of “it’s an alternate universe” is just repugnant and lazy. But that is the unfortunate path that the production team decided to run down.

Thanks to a lazy director… I sorry I mean; an angry, time-traveling, Romulan, all history is changed and the once bright and hopeful Star Trek universe is transformed into a dark, angst ridden universe where Vulcan is destroyed, Kirk’s father is killed in his youth, the Klingon’s don’t exist (evidently), Phasers are actually Star Wars blasters, and just about every cliche’ and stereotype known to man are substituted for cohesive storytelling. Finally when old Spock shows up you hope they might redeem this movie by fixing time… Well, tough shit Bud! The once logical and moral Spock, who would have given his life to uphold the Prime Directive, starts handing out advanced future technology, telling people all about their futures, introducing himself to himself, and just numbly accepting this new reality even though he has the knowledge and skill to move through time and fix this travesty (including the death of his mother!).

“So, Steve, other than all that what did you think?”

I’ll tell you:

Sets that look like they came from Galaxy Quest, sound effects that are taken directly from Star Wars, a score that Ed Wood wouldn’t have used, a vibrating camera delivering the ‘puke-o-vision’ experience, a cast culled from the rejection pile at the WB, and writers, producers, and a director too lazy to work within the framework and rich history of the Star Trek mythos to deliver the Cadet Kirk story line that’s been bandied about for a decade.

…And the bonus for all this cultivated failure? The entire mythos being stricken from the collective record in favor of this garbage. And before anyone tries to whip out the “alternate time-line” BS on me, think about this; if they are going to continue to make sequels based on this abortion then the rest of the franchise, and all your favorite characters, are DEAD and will not be used again!

This was the laziest example of film making I have ever seen, and a shameful waste of material.

Star Trek is gone.

Star Drek is upon us.

…And may you burn in hell for it J.J. Abrams, Alex Kurtzman, and Roberto Orci!

Published in: on May 9, 2009 at 11:39 am  Comments (5)  

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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Thanks for the review. From reading your post, it sounds like we’ve had very similar experiences with Star Trek. I’ve been wondering if I wanted to go see this new movie, based on what I’d seen and heard. Now, I can say that I have no plans to see this movie. An alternate universe? Please, spare me.

  2. Hi Melissa,

    What makes this even more of a travesty is that some of the die hard fans just don’t get it. They don’t realize that, by building on this film, they are killing 50 years of history. They just don’t seem to care as long as someone gives them something shiny to look at every couple of years.

    Star Trek is truly dead.

  3. Your review confirms some of the worst things I have heard about this movie. Leaving aside the whole canon/alternate universe thing it just sounds badly written. J.J. Abrams and his Elite Team of Hacks have done it again. Let’s see their checklist:
    -no continuity? check
    -shock value (future storytelling possibilities be damned)? check
    -flashbacks? check
    -improbable coincidence? check
    -supplemental material needed to understand the story? check

    • You are dead on! That is precisely the path this film follows. This is what Star Trek would have been had it been created for the WB crowd.

      Which is, sadly, what it is now.

  4. I felt much the same frustration as all of you did and was bewildered how this movie could happen in the first place. How could the franchise be handed to a non Star Trek fan. But then again, they handed it to Rick Berman who screwed it up pretty bad for years.

    After much pondering I decided to embrace the new movie for what it was and for the crowd to whom it was intended. This movie is primarily for teenagers and twenty-somethings who grew up with the last 3 poorly conceived Star Wars movies. The ones who are used to tons of effects and little story line. For them this fills the bill and then some.

    Taking a step back though, the movie is entertaining. Yes, I do have to ignore everything I know and love about the Star Trek universe that I grew up with and perhaps that is okay. Abrams, the director, did not want to create another Trek movie for an older over 40 crowd that is used to every-other movie being a bomb. As far as I am concerned, Star Trek 6 was THE last good movie from the Genre. The Next Generation flicks were poorly done extensions of the TV series, save for “First Contact”.

    Abrams had a solid idea to revive a fairly tired genre and remake the thing in a new image. Yes, the new movie has many time-line flaws such as all of the original crew being on the Enterprise at the same time despite their ages respectively. And of course, how could Kirk go from cadet to full Captain in a few days without his upper class-men wanting to kill him. Certainly a real Trekker would have made this movie vastly different and stuck to the original concepts, but we have to ask ourselves, “would it have done as well at the box office”? Very doubtfully I expect.

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